It's Never too Late to be Brave

Background noise: one playlist courtesy of the two songs I listen to before I write.

So there hasn't been much writing on my end because I have been feeling pretty discouraged lately. Sometimes I feel like my blog is worthless and that it just tries to prove how individual I am, but I have to keep telling myself this is for me, this is my therapy, and nowhere in these entries do I try to impress any reader. Its been rough not doing everything I want to lately because all the things I want to do just don't seem to make it into the weekly schedule. Since when were days so short?  There must be a dozen thoughts entering and exiting my brain every 15 minutes; most of them writable and tonight's thought is an inner battle one extremist and introvert silently contests daily.

I would like to start this entry with a few quick points: One of the best moments that happens to me( it comes few and far between) is when the perfect song plays at the perfect moment and things just come together.
Note to self: vinyl is God.
Bloodymarys are wonderful on Sundays.
I'm in the market for a 50cm framed road bike.
I daydream of how my life will be too often during class or while I run.
Ben Folds Five really bothers me.
I made chili last week, that was my big cooking accomplishment and it was so damn good.
Children scare me because they are so fragile.
Lauren Kritsas, words can't describe tonight.


To my family: please do not tell Dad until I am ready to do so.

This entry is written to enlighten all on my upcoming adventure.
Date: First week of March
Where: Macon, Ga to Corpus Christi, Tx
Who: Taylor Ruffo Extraordinaire and Myself

For those of you who really know me, then you know I am adopted, and that I have already found my birth mother.  But this trip is not about the xx chromosomal set, rather its about the xy.
For someone like me, we are born with a life that has a few pieces missing, and without patching those holes, we never feel completely ourself. The solution: thatching. This is why I will be documenting the processes to remind myself of the adventure and the lessons I learned a long the way this year. This trip is not something I decided to do on a whim, and this is not something that I decided to do when I woke up one morning.
 Let me begin by expounding on background information. My brother Seth is adopted as well. We have gone through a lot of the same emotional roller coasters, you know... the woah is me and who the hell am I. Where do I come from? Do I look like someone...anyone? Seth found is birthmother maybe 5 years before I did. His story is a beautiful one (which you can actually find online) which has always been somewhat of an inspiration to me. Recently Seth found his father, and it changed his life for the better. Now I'm not saying my story may work out the same, but I have to give it a shot. We never know the outcomes of the chances we did not take ( if there is a lesson you take away from this, let it be such ).The interesting part about all of this is that adopted kids, more so siblings such as Seth and myself, have the same desire at the same time and never speak about it to each other. I have been thinking about this trip for a few years now, but never had the courage to do it until now.
(Seth and his biological father)


















His name: Byron James Teague
               --- Father of one.
               --- Married to Karla.
               --- Car enthusiast and music connoisseur alike.
How do I know all of this you ask?
With the help of the internet and one really wonderful friend, I found what he looks and what his family life entails through the respectfully hated portal, Myspace.

Dear Nitch,
 I'm leaving the first weekend of spring break and heading to Texas. Taylor and I will be documenting the trip, and we will be going to Houston, Corpus Christi, and hopefully Dallas. Between friends, Taylor's family, and money I have saved up, we will be staying in different places, and in the process I will be making my way to the front steps of one Byron J. Teague. I'm nervous, like any human being would be but I have no second thoughts about this trip. This is how I am looking at this whole circumstance: No matter what the outcome, things will be okay. If things go terribly wrong, I can only grow stronger and a piece will be thatched ultimately and slowly. If things go smoothly, I can commend myself on sincere bravery and strength knowing that a piece was glued in place not single handedly.

Chapter:
I am putting something together for you. Come the first Chapter when we return from break, I ask that you stay behind not just for me, but for yourselves.

Seth:
You're inspiring and so is your story. I love you, unconditionally.
Matt:
I know you're going to call me as soon as you read this, and I anticipate our phone call with great eager.

Follow me

This week's accomplishments to come:


1 picture per cooked meal.

1 model car ordered
this is for the grease monkeys..



I am officially excited to announce the pub crawl with Jamie Joyner and others in Atlanta the 21st-22nd.
Anyone is welcome to join. It will be extremely fun and you'll make it onto the Polaroid wall. More to come of this soon.

I Walk a Fine Line Between the Right and the Real

Thought of the day:  'The obsession of posting one's every thought on a status website, blog, or facebook'. An interesting and possibly controversial thought to share with the web/technological community, so here I go. Why do we document our every move and thought? Is it because we crave human interaction, in any shape or form? Do we crave the love of attention or how about how many 'likes' or 'comments' we receive on a random day? Stalking walls, pictures, statuses and friendships...For the untainted web community (ages 40+)  these thresholds are used strictly to keep in touch with those who are far away (but even then, doesn’t one still obsess over other peoples lives, checking up too often?). But alas, we are all guilty victims of this cyclical conundrum. Since when was it okay to live for other people's business and not one’s own? Life isn't about honing in on what this person said via message, or what that person did last night on Greek Row that is publicized by pictorial evidence (WHICH IS ALWAYS an amusing and engulfing topic). I know this blog is the Mecca hypocrite to this thought of the day, but its purpose is more than voicing my thoughts publically for all to read. This blog is therapeutic to me (and IT has been for A LOT OF YOU as well who are now inspired to go experience life beyond the normal routine because of my writings). This blog is a part of my 2011 road to revival. Too long have I lived for others, and too long have I faded into the background of my own existence. Life, definition, to exist externally and internally, I repeat externally and INTERNALLY. This blog is the constant reminder to live internally everyday, because if I didn’t, I would have nothing to show for it to myself. I post this blog on facebook in hopes that it will liberate any who feel the way I do, trapped and having difficulty piecing together what is missing. For me, its adventures and interactions I lack. In essence, instead of stressing over these portals and the people on them, stress over what you won’t be able to finish in one day that will transfer over to the next.

Note to self: I do best when working alone and in the quiet.

If I can't concentrate on writing, I listen to two songs only. One by Iron and Wine and one by DMB (for the DMB junkies you’ll know what this means:  .09.09.05). Then I begin.

Galvanized wine- wine made in tanks, not in barrels. Opinion tonight to come... OPINION: the bottle shown below was very tasty. Thank you Sarah for being allergic to oak, or else I would not have tried this.

Sarah macconnell is one of the most wonderful friends I have. Whoever says married people are not fun, are retarded.

Dunkin Donuts egg white flatbread sandwiches are crack.

Heat is a precious commodity and no one should go without it.

It’s been nice not having cable and internet; it sets the mind and soul free.

Aderol gets shit done.

I have a strong like for ellipses in writings. I feel like I can hear personality through them.

It makes me really proud that I have read every single book that’s on my bookshelves, a part from Aesop’s fables, but that book I bought for a different reason and I will blog about it later.

Declaration: for anyone who tries to make a career out of art, you should be commended. It’s harder to use your creativity at most hours of the day then it is to work a routined 9 to 5.

**Challenge: For those who are bored: do something that involves stimulation of the brain. Write, draw,     BLOG, paint, decorate, take pictures, make music. Do something to call your own.

This is for the people who have soul flowing through their veins, try Freddie King. He’s my favorite musician of all time. When things get bad or I’m parading around my room with a beer in my hand whilst in my underwear with a Cheshire cat grin, He amplifies the parading, the weightless mood, and the smile x10.

**Next, try a play list consisting of John Butler Trio and Dave Matthews. This play list is for your days tangled up in your sheets or on Sundays with the sun warming your skin. Only live DMB songs because lets face it, whoever has been to a DMB concert knows there is no comparison between his live music and his studio albums. The play list should start with the song Nowhere man-JBT followed by Stolen Away on 55th and 3rd- Dmb. Cortez the Killer (Dmb live at Central Park) and Groovin Slowly- JTB should be included in this set.

I live below drag queens. It’s going to be an interesting semester/summer. Maybe they can teach me a thing or two about inner beauty. More to come of that saga.

It was 11:50am when i started, and I finished this at 2; I have been up since 7am because of excitement and a head full of thoughts.

---1. MOVED DOWNTOWN. Well guys, the first of the list has been checked off. I moved downtown, and not just downtown, but I moved with my best friend/ big sister. You know you hear about how living with your closest friend can ruin a friendship, but I don’t think that’ the case with us. It may be bumpy, but we communicate, and we are comfortable with silence and alone time. Just as much as I like to seclude myself into my room, she does too. It’s about boundaries with a splash of give and take. I’m excited for the +/- 2 year adventure together and whatever it may bring, Big.

posted below: whats its like living in a house with no heat for two days.
 

To Spring St.

Thank you to who helped me move into the new house in the past two days. I have the best big anyone could ask for, thank you Taylor.I'm exhausted, bruised and cut up, poor, and anticipating the new year. Sorry for a short blog, I'm just writing so I don't get out of rhythm. Pictures to come of the new house in a couple days.

To a Year's Worth of Merlot..

No particular order:
-2 tattoos
-sky dive
-see the Phillies play 3 times
- 10 concerts, 5 not of my choosing
-attend a wine tasting
-visit a brewery
-go deep sea fishing
-visit a state I have not yet been to
-move downtown
-buy a fisheye lens
-buy a wide angle lens
-purchase a bicycle
- cycle 50 miles in one day
- go yardsaling
-learn how to bake
- 4.0 this semester
- touch the ocean and the mountains in one weekend
-build a sand castle
-jump naked into the ocean
- find a new hobby
-learn how to sew
-purchase a new ipod
- build a card house
-Dress up and play a round of golf (I have never golfed in my life)
- build a vinyl collection
-ride a horse
-rock climb
-volunteer 50 hours at orphanage
-Make it to two museums this year
-Go on my first cruise
-drink epcot
-fly kites
-learn how to read music
-eat crawfish
- eat a deviled egg ( EW)
-try coleslaw
-learn poker
-build a model car
-learn origami
-watch every movie that has won Best Picture
 -start a book drive for children
-donate blood
-finish this blog
-cook 40 meals without the fire department's guest appearance
-gamble for the first time
- purchase my first lotto ticket
-play in a trivia night somewhere
-make fruitjuice, 3 different kinds.
- get a library membership in Macon
-grow an orchid
-attend an opera
- see two plays this year
-Celebrate St. Patty's day this year in SAV
-go bird hunting
-learn basic sign language
- roll my own sushi
- learn to tango,foxtrot,rumba,salsa
-have real maine lobster and maryland crab cakes
-brew my own batch of beer
-attend a music festival
-go to athens, ga
- paint 5 paintings
- draw 15 pictures
  >3 in charcoal
  >4 in ink
  >3 in conte
-carve my first pumpkin
-where a wig out
-pub crawl in atlanta
-skim board
-make my own popsicles
-purchase a hookah
-try 40 new types of beer
-learn how to play dominoes
- play scrabble 3 games in a row
- lose 10 -12lbs
-watch every starwars back to back
-complete my charm bracelet
- find a stargazer to gaze with me
-learn constellations
- 6 sessions of yoga
-get a real tan
-sail on a boat
-get lost with you..
-go cell less for a week
-go facebook less for 2 weeks
-beat a video game
-have an entire family photo taken
-climb the Chrysler building
-climb the empire states building
-give up french fries for a whole year (BIGGEST FAIL)
- have all of my clothes put away in the right spot at one time.
-design my own tshirt
-swing in a hammock in the spring time.
-go camping
-go to texas
- complete 10 DIY projects that I stumble upon.
-plant flowers in planting boxes
- grow my own herbs in the kitchen.
-read 6 books of my family's choosing.
-learn patience in a serious moment
-have a polaroid wall of everyone involved in this list. thanks to everyone who is supporting me through this! its going to be an ADVENTURE.
*may add more to the list before January 1st, 2011

This list will be completed by next spring break.

I-75

Thomas Newman, "Any other Name"
Sean Hayes, "Politics"
Stateless, "Bloodstream"
Damien Rice, " I Remember"
Cary Brothers, "Ride"
Amos Lee, "Baby I want You"
Natalie Walker, "Colorblind"
The Weepies, " World Spins Madly On"


It is Christmas Eve, and I have never felt less spirited. So this holiday is supposed to be magical, but where has the magic gone? I guess when people get older, their personal lives take over and conventional traditions such as Christmas are put on the back burner. These traditions become more of a burden, or responsibility if you will. For those of you who think this blog is an outlet for my frustrations, you are wrong. This is an outlet, but not in that manner. Its my collective thoughts.
   So the drive to my mother's house is seven hours long, which leaves me to rack my brain with loud pulsing 'whomps' or long drones of double bass in the background.When people graduate from college, they think their next move is to start their career. To the conventional, yes. But for the avant-garde, negative. I am going to take some time to live my life, in a town where I know as many as 2 people. Tuttle and I used to talk about being bartenders in college, and having regulars who told us their life stories all night. People laughed at us, but we were never actually joking about it. Maybe in Savannah that is what I will do. Photography and bartending. Small apartment. Live on my own. After that stint, I'll start my life. I always pegged myself as someone who would never settle down in one place for too long; I think change is humbling and gives people character/ backbone.
 So this friend of mine taught me something this year that has had a huge impact on my life. Life is not about depriving yourself of things because you are scared of them, its about embracing the unknown. What is life without people to share it with. This blog is a testament to me really living it up in college this year. Coming soon is a list of things to accomplish in one year's time with certain people or with the general crowd. Pictures to prove they have been accomplished to follow.I live a life surrounded with my closest handful of friends, and that does not mean I do not care to have others around, I just have always been one to treasure the small handful of true friendships rather then the plethora of acquaintances and party friends. life is not about quantity, its about quality. That is one of the hardest lessons to learn at a young age. You won't always be the most popular or most liked, so you have to value the people who truly like you for who you are and want you around because they enjoy your company.
  This christmas, I think the best gifts are my friendships and inspirations, family, and one hell of a sidekick.

Rear View Mirror

My life has always consisted of triumphs and failures, and I attribute those failures to a lack of following through. I've spent my whole life fooling myself into believing I am brilliant and I know better than most. Really, I just float through every day waiting for something exciting or new to happen so I can be a part of  what someone else has already claimed their happiness upon. Christmas time is my least favorite holiday, and it is not to say I do not enjoy the family gatherings, tinsel, and cookies because I do. I feel a disconnect around this time every year. A disconnect from what real people experience and how much I miss out on. I'm not a depressed person, quite the opposite actually. I struggle with knowing when its time to quit searching for the good in people and when to not wear my emotions on my sleeve(because my words in the past have been weapons). Hah, as Carl would say, 'you are hypersensitive' with a flare for the 'extreme'. For those of you who do not know, Carl is my Dad and he's unlike anyone in this world (He's callous, crude, brilliant, sensitive, courageous, hilarious, and mine). This blog is my new year's challenge. Since I never follow through with things that have extreme potential, this is where I lay my path to success. This will patch the disconnect. This blog will show my art, music selections of the week, my adventures with my best friends and family, and the inner workings of one extremist. Here goes nothing 3,2,1... IT WAS THE MERLOT!